1. |
Tamar
02:28
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I didn’t mean to keep on looking up all during the show
I didn't mean to get my hopes up as if I didn’t know
Because I knew you wouldn’t be there when you didn’t respond
Hell I knew you wouldn’t be there even if you’d responded
Didn’t mean to make it all about wanting to see you
I know I’m not the only guy who’s dying to see you
Didn’t mean to write about you in like half of my songs
I didn’t mean to want you even when I knew it was wrong
This song wasn’t supposed to be about you
I had it all written and it wasn’t about you
But it still felt like it was sort of about you
I wrote a different song and it still was about you
So I guess this thing is all about you
But I’m not sure if I even know you
I guess I’m just writing about who we were
I loved you when I still knew who we were
Come sit next to me
I push people away because they shouldn't have to put up with me
But I guess that's not always my call to make
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2. |
OTS 44
04:18
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Who was I this time last year?
It feels like ages ago now
Who will I be this time next year?
I always feel like this is my time, but I never know how
Was I happier back then?
Maybe I was less anxious, less afraid to go to sleep
But my numbers got to be up soon
Because after all, it’s all about me, just try counting sheep or something
I’m always running out of things to tell myself to make myself feel better
It always feels like everything I say to feel better, none of it really works
Is it better to be or feel better?
I can’t keep my mind in the present, I’m so wrapped up in everything
I don’t know if I’d rather go out
Or just hole up under covers, and try not to think about anything at all
I’m always running out of things to tell myself to make myself feel better
It always feels like all those things I say to feel better, none of it really works
I know I wasn’t happier back then
Because I'm kind of a miserable person, and the grass is always greener after all
Is that just always how it goes?
Maybe everything is terrible, and I just have to make the call
I’m always running out of things to tell myself to make me feel better
I spend so much time trying just to make myself feel better, that I never do anything at all
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3. |
Hemitaxia
03:45
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How was your day?
I’ve been thinking a lot about living inside of your skin again
Because mine is starting turn I think, it’s curling up at the edges, and I can’t seem to bend it back in
How’s the new job?
I feel like I’m barely awake all the time, and somehow it’s your fault
I feel like you gave me something, everything looks so grey all the time
Like I’m color blind, my stomach’s all twisted in knots every day when I roll out of bed to do whatever
Everyone’s out doing things and I feel like I’m locked in a prison of my own design
How is your family?
I know that that last bit was over dramatic, and it's not fault
That I often don’t see a reason to get out of bed at all, yeah she made me feel good but where does that get me now? Just another in a long line of small bits of hope that burn out
How’d your presentations go?
I’ve lost track of who I wanted this song to be about
How’s my old friend?
I wonder sometimes how often I’m the point of discussion
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4. |
Brutalism
03:57
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I hate to admit that I miss you
It turns out I can’t run away
I’ve run out of all of my patience
I can imagine all the things that you’d say right now
“Can’t you just make a decision?
You make things so much harder than they need to be
Stop being so overdramatic
Here, let me do it, it’s easy”
I don’t miss the constant belittling
Or feeling like a burden you bear
I just wish that I wasn’t sober
I just wish that I didn’t care
I thought that I wouldn’t care, oh what a sad little victim I make
You were the villain, and at the worst I made some mistakes
Will someone take care of that kid?
I’ve been waiting for something to happen
For someone to take me away
To take me to space, or to heaven
I probably don’t deserve to go, anyway
I don't know what makes me so special
Think I’ve a right to know what’s going on
But I’ve got a right to nothing
Just like everyone else it goes on and on and on
I thought that I wouldn’t care, oh what a sad little victim I make
You were the villain, sure I know that I made some mistakes
I thought that I wouldn’t be scared, oh what a sad little story I tell
I don’t even know what I’m saying, we both put each other through hell
Honestly, he’s making a mess
Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me
For I am desolate and afflicted
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5. |
Apex Property
04:13
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It’s not a joke
As if I’m even funny
Even though we’re always broke
I tried not to worry about the money
I’m not trying to be dramatic
I’m not trying to be difficult
I’m just trying to see eye to eye
And not be looked at like a criminal
I’m trying hard to stay in
I’m trying so hard to be happy
I just want us to be happy
I don’t know where to begin
What if I let it fall apart?
Do you think that we could make it right?
I swear I’m not trying to be funny
I’m guess I'm just trying to be alright
But I can only blame myself
Cause I can’t see past myself
I know that I’m always complaining
But telling me that doesn’t help right now
It’s not that I’m not over it
Two years I lost are what I can’t forget
I know that I can’t point the finger
We didn’t mean to hurt each other but it’s all we did
And at the end of all of it
You love is what I can’t forget
I know that I should stop complaining
But don’t you talk to me about complaining
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6. |
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I was scared that I wouldn’t feel it again
There wasn’t love there, but you let me in
You made me feel life, you made me feel love
And the light of the morning, was nothing to be afraid of
It took me awhile to get all this out
To find the words to say what it’s all about
I’ve written this song a thousand times
Suffice it to say, that you took a dead man, and you gave him life
Cause I felt hollow, I was living without cause
And you were vibrant, and I’m not sure what you saw
I might be romanticizing things a bit
But I think you, you might be the reason that I made it
I may never see you, we may never speak
And I guess I wouldn’t want you, to really know what it means
In the end you won’t hear this, and I’m singing to myself
But in the end it doesn't matter, if you know how much you helped
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7. |
A Body Without Organs
07:09
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Two men lost to their hands
I’m trying to understand what the point of any of it might be
One year, and so many more goodbye’s
I finally cried, but just for a second, I choked it back down and I kept my face straight
Two types of dying from disease
I don’t know what it means to finally feel free
Can someone show me please? I need to see it painted in relief
Two men grown weary of this life
I’m starting to feel like there’s nothing to understand
One year filled with moving on
With so much gone, it goes on and on, I can’t fit it all in this song
Two types of trying to let go
I’ve got nothing to show, for all this pain, nowhere to go
Cause there’s nothing to know, no secrets, above or below
Can someone convince me different? Oh God, can someone convince me different?
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8. |
You Were a Bird
04:00
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9. |
Dukkha
01:58
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10. |
Hazel
03:51
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I haven’t dreamt in six months
I think I’m smoking too much
The last dream that I had
I don’t know what to make of
We ran into each other in the middle of nowhere
She left her friends to go with me
Told me her boyfriend won’t stop getting flu shots
Said "The thing I love won't stop hurting itself"
Then she said I look different
My eyes were darker
More damning, or accusatory, or something like that
But they just felt older, like they could see through people
We embraced
And there was love there
And then I woke up
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Gabriel J. Wheeler Seattle, Washington
@gabrieljwheeler
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